Ritter Sport: German squared

Monument protection as we know it: Only chocolate from the company Ritter Sport can be square. Even purple cows have no chance against this German cultural narrative.

The mild one from Ghana, the fine one from Nicaragua, the strong one from Peru, no, ladies and gentlemen, these are not ad profiles from an international dating agency, but chocolates from Clara and Alfred, better known as Ritter Sport. If there is such a thing as an autochthonous confectionery, then it is the chocolate bars from the Neckar Valley cast in squares.

Migration experts often say that the population lacks a nation building story or a “narrative”. Since then, people have been pondering what this positive, identity-building feature could be, regardless of ethnic, religious, nutritional or other characteristics. Something without blood and soil, without a flag waving and so on. Something that could take the place of the national anthem, because let\’s be honest, nobody understands this song. Not only is the genesis complicated, two thirds of the song is censored, and nobody understands the lyrics either. “Are a guarantee of happiness.” What\’s the pledge? Why not the high covenant? Why deposit at all? Is happiness recycled?

[“No scientist, political scientist or politician has ever thought of the obvious. Namely the chocolate of the Ritter company, founded in 1912 by Clara and Alfred. 1912 is of course a super ungrateful date. It’s not early enough in history to claim that the chocolate is older than the German Pension Insurance and for Florian Illies’ 1913 non-fiction book it is again one year too old to be mentioned. But it is an original German good squared. That makes it unique, unmistakable, singular. Twix has the two-finger aesthetic, fruit dwarfs can be recognized by the colorful little boxes in the shape of a dog’s snout and Always Ultra by the history of its wings. The square, however, is a form reserved in the history of goods only for German chocolate. “]

So anyone who attacks the iconographic square form is not only attacking the social market economy, but a piece of identity. That is why it is worth going all the way to the highest courts, Karlsruhe, The Hague, that league, which is what happened in principle. Because the American company Mondeléz International had the idea of also squaring its product called Milka, which Ritter Sport complained about. For years, the case was heard in the courts, most recently at the Federal Supreme Court, and now it is official: Ritter Sport has won.

The comparatively small German company has managed to get the big, powerful, foreign global corporation to agree that in future only one chocolate may be sold in a square, and that is Ritter Sport with the melodic triadic advertising slogan: “Square. Practical. Good.” A German phrase that, unlike the national anthem, everyone knows. Whereby “quadratic-practical-lilac” could have been well imagined as the new Milka claim. At least not worse than a purple cow. You never quite understood what was milked out of her and for what. Because Alpenmilch, as advertised on the chocolate package, isn\’t even on the list of ingredients of Milka Alpenmilch, but you don\’t want to be petty. With the same argumentation, one could ask Ritter Sport whether the shape that they so fiercely defend refers to special ingredients in square form. Of course you can guess the answer. The triangle is occupied, Toblerone is already in it and Nappo is in the rue. There are not many more shapes left. Well, there is still the circle, but there is already another product called Mini Babybel, which looks like a chocolate in red crackling paper, but is cheese.

Image source: https://bit.ly/309JBiY

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